Reviews and commentary by Tony Isabella
"America's Most Beloved Comic-Book Writer & Columnist"
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TONY'S ONLINE TIPS
for Thursday, February 14, 2008
The first round of Tony Polls primaries were held last week with voters being asked to choose their favorite presidential candidates in the Marvel, DC Comics, Comic Strips, and All Others parties. Here are the results:
Which of these MARVEL PARTY candidates would be your choice to run for President of the United States?
Joseph "Robbie" Robertson.....16.29%
Dr. Stephen Strange.....6.71%
Dr. Leonard Samson.....1.60%
Janet Van Dyne.....1.60%
J. Jonah Jameson.....0.64%
Henry Peter Gyrich.....0%
I voted for Joseph "Robbie" Robertson from the limited field of candidates that remained after I eliminated members of the Illuminati and any one who supported, even temporarily, the fascist policies of Tony Stark. I didn't even give Emma Frost a free pass; the X-Men should have been front and center in opposing Stark and his goons.
Which of these DC COMICS PARTY candidates would be your choice to run for President of the United States?
John Henry Irons.....2.77%
I voted for Jefferson Pierce, who was my "favorite son" candidate, though, to be accurate, my actual favorite son would be my actual son Eddie. Pierce just missed making the second round of the primaries, but he'd be a great vice-presidential candidate for Barbara Gordon.
Which of these COMIC STRIP PARTY candidates would be your choice to run for President of the United States?
Virginia "Ginny" Slade.....3.27%
Pansy "Mammy" Yokum.....2.94%
J. Wellington Wimpy.....2.29%
Winslow the Coyote..........0.98%
Lt. Jack Flap..........0%
I voted for "Popeye" because he is what he is, a most honorable man who extends his helping hand to those who need it and his powerful fist to those who would threaten us. That said, I was disappointed in the poor showing of Abbey Spencer from the Judge Parker strip. I attribute that poor showing to the newspaper accounts of her indulging in marijuana brownies mere weeks before the primaries.
Which of these ALL OTHERS PARTY candidates would be your choice to run for President of the United States?
Clark Savage Jr.....29.79%
Waylon Smithers Jr.....3.63%
Richard Rich Sr......3.30%
I voted for Clark Savage, Jr., but I am withdrawing my support for that candidate for reasons elaborated on below.
Voting is now open for the second round of the primaries. You can choose your candidate in each party at:
Voting will remain open until sometime after midnight Tuesday morning, February 19.
Joseph "Robbie" Robertson remains my choice to be the presidential candidate of the Marvel Party. As members of a secret society that violated civil rights and the law at a whim, both Reed Richards and Charles Xavier are unfit to lead our nation. While I admit to a certain admiration for Nick Fury and his long service to his country, there is no getting around the fact that he has also acted improperly in the past.
Barbara Gordon gets my vote for the DC Comics Party nomination. Though she has acted outside the law, she has done so with great compassion, keen intelligence, and a genuine respect for human dignity and freedom. James Gordon, Alan Scott, and "Uncle Sam" all are good men, but none brings Barbara Gordon's combination of vast experience and youthful energy to the contest. As for the other candidates, I eliminated Oliver Queen because he's a man-slut who makes JFK and Bill Clinton look like choirboys and Bruce Wayne because he's bat-shit insane.
In the race to be the candidate of the Comic Strip Party, Pogo Possum has benefitted greatly from the endorsement of Mark Evanier. But consider this: Evanier is often seen in the company of Carolyn Kelly, the daughter of Pogo creator Walt Kelly. Evanier has often taken and posted to his website photographs of nude visitors to his back yard. For that matter, Pogo Possum has eschewed the wearing of trousers during this campaign. Clearly the judgment of lobbyist Evanier is suspect and clearly we don't need another president who can't keep his pants on.
Although I supported "Popeye" in the primary, I am now backing Steve Canyon with "Popeye" as his running mate. I believe this combination is necessary to defeat the suspicious Pogo and the war-mongering Oliver Warbucks. Indeed, I'd like to see the United Nations send inspectors to the Okefenokee Swamp to investigate the rumors that Warbucks has been shipping weapons of mass destruction to Pogo senior advisor Porky Pine.
My allegiance has also shifted in the All Other Party contest. I originally voted for Clark Savage, Jr. But it was brought to my attention that Savage has a history of illegally detaining those he deems criminal, denying them of their rights to fair trials, and, against their will, performing brain surgery on them. This monster must be stopped and the only party candidate who is up to that task is Lamont Cranston. My name is Tony Isabella and I approve these endorsements.
Thanks for spending a part of your day with me. I'll be back tomorrow with more stuff.
<< 02/13/2008 | 02/14/2008 | 02/19/2008 >>
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THE "TONY" SCALE
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
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