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THE LAW IS A ASS for 10/22/2002
DOCKET ENTRY
"The Law is a Ass" Installment # 167
Originally written as installment # 149 and published in Comics Buyer's Guide issue # 780, October 28, 1988 issue
There are some stories which are so bad--so brain-numbingly stupid in inception and execution--as to be unforgivable by anyone whose schooling has advanced higher than the number 2. Fortunately, the story you're about to read about in this column, Green Lantern Special # 1, isn't one of those stories.
It's even worse.
******
THE LAW IS A ASS
Installment # 167
by
BOB INGERSOLL
Question: when is a special not so special? Answer: when it's The Green Lantern Special # 1.
Seeing as how this is the third of three or four columns I'm writing on Labor Day--not to mention a news article I've already written--and I've already put in several hours at the typewriter, I'm going to do myself a favor. I'm not going to go over all of the plot idiocies in this story--not even the lunacy of having the last Guardian of the Universe left in the universe riding a motorcycle over the back roads of Oa dressed like a stunt double for Easy Rider; and, ordinarily, I could have had a lot of fun with that. I'll leave this and the other plot problems for the regular comic reviewers. I'll confine myself to the legal idiocies in the story. (Don't worry, there were more than enough idiocies to go around.)
As the story opens, John (the black Green Lantern) Stewart is the subject of a Senate subcommittee inquiry into some damage caused to an Air Force jet, while Hal (the white Green Lantern) Jordan fought Star Sapphire. John Stewart, because he is the only Green Lantern whose identity was public knowledge, is being investigated for the damage.
The scene in the Senate chambers ends with the Air Force pilot whose plane was damaged testifying. The pilot tells the committee that, not only did Green Lantern not damage his plane--it was a flying lady--the Green Lantern involved was a white man not a black man. The pilot says the committee is investigating the wrong man.
The committee, politic body that it is, acknowledges the possibility. Which brings up the question: why was John Stewart being investigated in the first place? It was common knowledge that the contingent of the Green Lantern Corp stationed on Earth had seven members: five aliens, a white man, and a black man. How could the committee single out any one of those Green Lanterns for its investigation?
Okay, the answer to this question is easy: all it had to do was look. Was the Green Lantern involved a white man, a black man, a red-skinned alien, an alien that looked like an insect, an alien that looked like a hairless grizzly bear, an alien that looked like a chipmunk, an alien that looked like a cross between Ed Norton and Rin Tin Tin or something else? This leads to a more fundamental question: why didn't the Senate subcommittee talk to the pilot first and learn what he had to say, before it went to the expense of convening a hearing several days in duration? Once it had spoken with the pilot, it would have known what happened and would have known better than to call the hearing and waste the taxpayers' money. Unless, of course, it hadn't filled its "Waste the Taxpayers' Money" quota for the year.
Later in the story, we are reminded of another occurrence from the Senate hearings. In Action Comics Weekly # 604, while John Stewart was testifying, Carol (Star Sapphire) Ferris entered the room, tricked John into power ringing her, and pretended that John killed her. The Green Lantern Special told us why John's never been tried for murder. After the fake death in Action Comics Weekly # 604, the not-really-dead Carol Ferris left the morgue to fight John Stewart as Star Sapphire. So, when the state tried to try John for Carol Ferris' murder, they couldn't, because they, "couldn't produce a body."
Is it just me, or did none of the district attorneys in the DC Universe go to law school? In case they haven't, let me brief them on a little legal tidbit: in order to prosecute someone for murder, you don't have to have a body. Anyone who watched the NBC TV movie based on the real life case of the Billionaires Boys Club or is familiar with the unusual facts of this celebrity case knows that you don't have to have a body in order to prosecute someone for murder.
What is, no doubt, causing the confusion is the legal term corpus delicti, which is a Latin phrase--What legal term isn't a Latin phrase?--meaning, "the body of the crime." What corpus delicti means is, before you can prosecute someone for a crime, you have to be able to prove that a crime occurred. It means you have to be able to prove all the elements of the crime occurred. It does not mean you have to produce an actual body. After all, if you had to produce a body every time you wanted to prosecute someone, how could you ever prosecute anyone for car theft or insider trading? Remember, the expression, "I made a killing in the Market," is just a figure of speech.
In the case of John Stewart, the state would be able to prove the corpus delicti of Carol Ferris's murder, even though it did not have a body. What it did have were several dozen eyewitnesses who saw John Stewart encase Carol's head in a green globe, heard Carol complain that she could not breath, saw Carol keel over, and heard someone declare her dead. Even though most of these witnesses were Senators whose credibility is, therefore, questionable, their testimony would have been enough evidence to prove the corpus delicti of murder.
Still, we should be grateful that they decided they couldn't prosecute John. After all, if they had, we wouldn't have had this story and both of would have suffered. You wouldn't have been able to read these pithy words and I wouldn't have been able to earn any money writing these pithy words.
At another point in the story, John Stewart is extradited to South Nambia, Africa, so he can be tried for grand theft. (This incident dates back to when Hal Jordan stole a diamond from a deserted South Nambian mine in Action Comics Weekly #601. I wrote at the time that Hal was guilty of theft. Nice to see someone listened.) The story postulates that the State Department allowed John to be extradited, because they were glad to be rid of him. It's the only explanation I can come up with for the extradition.
In order to have a person extradited, the state or country seeking extradition has to prove two things: that a crime was committed and that it is more probable than not that the person the party seeks to extradite over committed the offense. As to the first prong, South Nambia had no problem. It had a diamond mine and Green Lantern took one of the diamonds without permission. That would be the corpus delictiof theft. I don't, however, see how South Nambia could have proven the second prong, that it was more probable than not that John Stewart committed the theft.
As I said earlier in the column, the public at large knows there are seven Green Lanterns on Earth. How South Nambia could have proven which of the seven Green Lanterns looted their diamond mine escapes me. Even if the State Department limited the inquiry down to which of the two human Green Lanterns stole the diamond, there were still two possible suspects and no real way to prove which of them committed the crime. Under these facts, the State Department should not have allowed the extradition, because South Nambia hadn't proven that John Stewart was the man who stole the diamond.
Moreover, if Hal Jordan, who knew of the pending extradition, had any gumption, he would have testified at the extradition hearing and admitted that he, not John Stewart, stole the diamond. that is, after all, what a true hero and stand-up guy would have done.
But Noooooo!
Hal spent his time whining that he didn't have any friends anymore. Oh yes, that and doing Oprah. So, Hal let one of his friends get extradited and prosecuted for a crime Hal committed, while he was busy crying on an Emmy-winning shoulder that he didn't have any friends left.
Hey, Hal, I think, maybe, I've got the answer to why you don't have any friends left.
Finally, when Hal does do something to help John, does he appear before the State Department and confess that he, not John, stole the diamond? Does he go public with this information, so that South Nambia won't be able to try John Stewart for a property offense without risking unnecessary political backlash? Does he do the noble thing and turn himself to the South Nambians in for the benefit of his innocent friend? No. He decides to compound the illegalities and break John out of jail. And he justifies this act with the theory that the law is the law, but he has to answer to a higher morality.
Hal, higher morality notwithstanding, when there are legal and illegal ways to serve that higher morality, those of us whose morality is truly higher choose the legal way.
But back to the higher morality. Does Hal break John out of jail by flying into John's cell and taking John out? No. He gives John's power ring back to John, tells John sometimes men have to answer to a higher morality, and advises John to break jail.
When John does break jail, does he simply fly out? No. He demolishes the entire building so that all the prisoners, including a multiple murderer and a terrorist, can escape.
Naturally, the murderer murders and the terrorist terrorizes. In addition, the terrorist lies about his true motives and convinces John to join him, because sometimes a man has to answer to a higher morality and John is stupid enough to believe that this terrorist's agenda is the higher morality.
Hal has to come to South Nambia to straighten John out. When John learns what has happened, he decides he doesn't deserve to be a Green Lantern and tries to resign. Hal doesn't accept it. He lectures John about responsibilities and higher moralities and lets John keep the ring.
I'm beginning to think that when the Guardians went looking for a few good Green Lanterns, they didn't look for men who lacked just fear. They also had to lack even the slightest scintilla of intelligence.
I could go on. I won't. This column is getting long, and my brain is starting to hurt from having concentrated on The Green Lantern Special for several hours. And if I went on, I'd only have to subject you to more nonsense from the story.
Bob Ingersoll
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