The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation honors the worst in motion pictures with its annual Razzies. The nominations for this year's awards were announced earlier this month and we asked our Tony Polls voters to weigh with their choices for which movies and performers should be given the Golden Raspberry in each of the 11 categories designated by the Foundation.
Outside of Ghost Rider, which I actually enjoyed, I did not see any of the nominated movies. But I didn't let that stop me from voting on the Razzies. Uninformed voting is a proud American tradition, as witness anyone who voted for George Bush even once. At least my voting for movies I haven't seen doesn't rack up a body count. Unless Eddie Murphy is feeling suicidal.
Besides, I have a "system" for voting on the Razzies. If any of the nominees is one of those modern "torture porn" horror films, it gets my vote. If there's a "torture porn" sequel to an earlier "torture porn" movie, it gets my vote over a "torture porn" movie that's just starting out. And, by the way, if you enjoy that crap, you're a sick pervert who should be introduced to my nail gun, my chainsaw, and a little something I like to call my "ultimate cheese grater." I'm just saying.
If there is no "torture porn" movie among the nominees in any given category, my fallback position is voting for a film in which Eddie Murphy plays multiple roles.
My secondary fallback position? Any movies with Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, or shallow bimbos of either sex. My system served me particularly well this year.
Here's how you voted:
Who do you think should receive the Razzie for WORST EXCUSE FOR A HORROR MOVIE?
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
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