"Comfort food in the late evening hours brings little comfort the following morning."
I made that up this morning. What a shame it's too long for a fortune cookie.
My Sainted Wife Barbara and I have gone through several truly frustrating days of stupid little things happening at our house or at her work. I'm not going to give you a litany of our woes - you can thank me for this later - but some of them did interfere with the scheduled return of this column.
Barb and I gave into our craving for comfort food late Monday night, arriving at our local Dairy Queen just minutes before the place closed. We ordered something called "Strawberry CheeseQuake Blizzards," assuming they were ice-cream treats which would taste something like strawberry cheesecake. I'm going to be kind and say they kind of sort of did.
However, what we mistook for a play on the word "cheesecake" - "CheeseQuake" - turned out, instead, to have been a fairly dead-on description of the rumbling in our tummies that started within hours of our going to bed. I woke up at 2:30 am Tuesday morning and didn't make it back to bed until three hours later, gaining but one more hour's sleep before rising to get the kids off to school. Barb slept more soundly, but woke up feeling even more queasy than I had. Clearly Dairy Queen is a false prophet and the gods of ice cream were punishing us for heeding its evil call.
Anyway, the stupid little things mentioned above are why you didn't get a new TOT yesterday and why you're only getting a chatty note today. They're also why there are no new TONY POLLS questions this week; through my Dairy Queen-induced haze, I decided it would make more sense to keep the current questions active until sometime after midnight on Monday. If you haven't already done so, you can vote on them at:
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
Please send material you would like me to review to: