Starring: Robert Z'Dar, Matt Hannon, Jannis Farley, Mark Frazer, Joselito Rescober Directed By: Amir Shervan Average Rating: Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1 Audience Rating: Unrated Binding: DVD Format: Animated, Color, DVD-Video, Full Screen, NTSC Label: Guilty Pleasures Number of Items: 1 Region Code: 1 Release Date: May 11, 2004 Running Time: 96 minutes Theatrical Release Date: 1989
Samurai flop For once, I just don't know where to start. I've attempted over and over to review this movie, but I just didn't do it justice, how do you describe the movie that has everything? An over the top 80s cop movie that takes itself just seriously enough to keep it from being a farce. It's like an unintentional absurdism.
Think of it this way. When a good song is being played, you notice if the player hits the wrong note a few times. But let's say the player plays all the wrong notes, it becomes a completely different song in another key. That my friends is Samurai Cop. Nothing works, it's nothing but mistakes, but it is so amazingly bad that you can't take your eyes off of it.
Take for example, the title of the movie, Samurai cop. You get the idea of a sword-wielding Japanese police-officer. What does this movie give you? A Chippendale's dancer with shoulder-length women's hair. What I mean by this is, when a guy has long hair, it still looks like guy's hair, usually. It looks like this guy is wearing a wig to be perfectly honest. Together with his trusty black sidekick Frank they fight against the Order of Katana, an totally brutal Japanese gang!
In order to give the bad guys a more menacing image, their overdubbed voices are usually treated to sound gravelly. Not to mention the film is sometimes sped up to create an illusion that the chase is going faster or to make the martial arts scenes more exciting.
Joe, the Samurai Cop, spends more time hitting on girls than he does hunting the Katana. The first of these gals is the sexy female police-gal Peggy. Right off the bat this film delivers some great footage of Peggy in her birthday suit. Let's just say she brings a whole new meaning to the word 'perky.'
Let's get to the jokes. The comedy of the Samurai Cop world. Lots of s-e-x jokes. But all of them are strange and come out of nowhere. Viddy:
Frank: The Captain is going to burn my axx.
Joe: Yeah, he'll burn it, jet black.
Frank: It already is black.
Joe: Right on.
-------------- Peggy: Hey Preacher.
Preacher: Yeah?
Peggy:You and I got nothin' to do...Let's fxxxk.
Preacher: Shut up!
------------------------------- Frank crawls under a fence.
Joe: Why did you go under?
Frank: Cause I'm an undercover cop. -------------------------- Here's a humdinger...
Nurse: Do you like what you see?
Joe: I love what I see.
Nurse: Would you like to touch what you see?
Joe: Yes. Yes I would
Nurse:Would you like to go out with me?
Joe: Uhhuh, yes I would.
Nurse:Would you like to fxxxk me?
Frank gives a silly wide-eyed reaction shot.
Joe: *into her stethoscope* Bingo.
Nurse:Let's see what you got. *grope* Doesn't interest me.
Joe: What would interest you? Something the size of a jumbo jet?
Frank reaction shot.
Nurse: Have you been circumcised?
Joe: Yes why?
Nurse: Well your doctor must have cut a large portion off.
Joe: I have enough. It's big.
yadda yadda yadda, you get the idea.
It's stuff like this over and over throughout the whole movie. I mean...lookit, it's like nobody that made this movie had any idea of what they where doing and even less about how the police actually solve crimes and do their jobs. Most of the plot of this movie involves them catching the Katana members but accidentally killing them! But they need a live Katana member to testify in court!
No matter what they do they can't bring in a live Katana member. At one point a mob henchman actually machineguns down the gang members to keep them from talking!
Things get worse. While the Katana gang is going around murdering and torturing the entire police office, Samurai Cop Joe is too busy boinging his latest interest to care. And *grimace, get this, at one point *grimace, he walks around in a bikini. Who thought this would be a good idea? Whatever respect you may have mustered up for the Samurai Cop quickly goes down the tubes.
The martial arts segments, beleive it or not, aren't that bad. They're not that good, but at least it looks like they actually know some real moves. It's got some great sword slashing and gun shooting as well. And it certainly delivers when it comes to showing us hot babes.
Yes, my friends, this movie has everything and you'll laugh all the way through. To make matters even better this DVD has a comedy commentary be THE Joe Bob Briggs. Joe Bob will have you cracking up, as if this movie wasn't funny enough on its own.
Don't take it from me, take it from Joe Bob Briggs: Buy and watch Samurai Cop!
"I Will Bring You His Head, And I Will Place It On Your Piano." This is a real find. "Samurai Cop" is one of the all-time greatest bad movies in history. There is no possible way to review this film from a serious standpoint. Amir Shervan wrote, produced, and directed this monstrosity, so I hold him chiefly accountable. The DVD has great extras including an introduction and commentary track by Joe Bob Briggs, who is in even better form than usual here, as well as an interview with Robert Z'Dar, who is apparently attempting to follow the path of jocularity and girth popularized by Marlon Brando.
The plot concerns an undercover cop played by Matt Hannon who is attempting to break up the horrifying Japanese Katana Gang, of which Robert Z'Dar is the chief enforcer. There are so many problems with the film that I have no idea where to start. Well, now that I think about it, I do: let's start with Matt Hannon's hair. I have never seen a mullet like this in all my life. For the first half of the film I was actually asking myself if he was wearing a woman's wig from the Jaclyn Smith collection. This full, flowing mane of hair is as much a character in the film as any other actor, and seems to simultaneously represent the Samurai Cop's masculinity and femininity. If you don't think that's possible, watch him kiss the girls; it's disgusting.
Aside from the hair issues, the film features all the idiotic characters and plot points you would expect from a grade-Z film: the angry police Captain, the goofy sidekick (who laughs inappropriately on numerous occasions), extremely attractive women in hard to believe situations, and absolutely horrendous dialogue which, while gratuitous, fails to further the plot. To illustrate this point I direct you specifically to the exchange on circumcision, and the constant refrain of "keep it warm" which you just need to see for yourself to grasp how stupid, yet un-sexy a statement it is.
There are some great monologues about good and evil from Samurai Cop (my favorite is in a restaurant where he contrasts the Katana Gang with honest, hardworking Japanese-Americans) and, of course, the obligatory fight scenes. These generally come down to gun play, knife play, and karate. In the gun fights, I am constantly amazed that people in a gun battle find the most exposed place possible to stand (the middle of a door; an open field) when firing. This contributes to the extremely high body count in the movie as everyone and their brother gets shot by the end. There area couple of knife episodes, including a very lame ritual suicide (remember, death before dishonor). And then there is the karate. This is by far the best part of the movie. The scenes are moderately well choreographed, but to make them appear more professional Shervan constantly speeds up the film so that the action goes way faster than would be possible. This is, I suppose, an attempt to improve the dynamic energy of the film, but in reality makes it look more like a cartoon. These karate scenes (and a couple of the high-speed sword fights) are delightfully hokey; do not turn away even for a second during them. Please also note the bacon grease torture. Truly a scene of restrained understatement.
Again, the commentary from Joe Bob is one of his very best pieces of work, and I recommend watching the movie first without it then with it. For a wonderful piece of mid-1980s junk cinema, "Samurai Cop" absolutely cannot be beat. I highly recommend this one to any and all lovers of bad movies.
Keep it warm.
Amazing. Best-worst movie ever This is quite simply one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen. By no means is it a good movie. It's a good movie to watch but only because it is so horrible. The dialogue, the production values, the acting, the music, the editing, you name it and it will make you laugh.
Joe "Samurai" Marshall is our main character. He's the martial arts using, fluent japanese speaker bushido warrior cop who is going to take down the Katana Gang. This guy sports one of the sweetest mullets you've ever seen and also spouts out some of the sleaziest/cheesiest lines you've ever heard. He also doesn't speak japanese a single time yet they say that he is fluent in it. Between him his partner and a very... promiscuous helicopter pilot they take the katana gang on.
I could go on and on... and on about this movie. Joe Marshall's big speech in the restaurant is so intense it's hilarious but if I keep going on then I won't leave much for the viewer to see for themselves. The commentary for the movie is also hilarious but the true experience for watching this movie is to see it in a big group. There is just so much to make fun of and you gotta do it with a few other people.
Definitely recommended and place it on your piano.
Samurai Cop Sure to be a cult classic here in the states as it was in Europe. There's plenty of action and full breasted babes in action to keep you interested when the dialogue gets you laughing. Not to mention a mullet here or there. So, you may want to see it with Joe Bob's commentary on. A group of friends and I laughed our asses off to his comments. I guess there's no chance for a sequel since most of the cool characters die by hara-kiri, beheading, death by sword, fire or get shot off a roof. But our hero and his partner could always return..if there not in convalescent home by now. If you can't get your hands on the DVD don't despair, this film will surely show up on, "Dinner and a movie", or "Mystery Science 3000". weird blonde gangster
Samurai Cop Sure to be a cult classic here in the states as it was in Europe. There's plenty of action and full breasted babes in action to keep you interested when the dialogue gets you laughing. Not to mention a mullet here or there. So, your best bet may be to watch it with the Joe Bob Briggs commentary track. A group of friends and I watched it together and Joe Bob's comments had us laughing our asses off. I guess there's no chance for a sequel since most of the cool characters die by hara-kiri, beheading, death by sword, fire or get shot off a roof. But our hero and his partner could always return..if there not in convalescent home by now. If you can't get your hands on the DVD don't despair, this film will surely show up on, "Dinner and a movie", or "Mystery Science 3000".
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