Amazon.com: Five comely and well-to-do female friends receive dire threats inside anonymous valentines. When two of them meet violent ends, the remaining trio suspect that the killer may be a nebbishy former classmate whom they spurned years before at a school dance. Their solution: Throw a lavish Valentine's Day party, all the better to distract them from the hulking, cherub-masked killer...
As the above suggests, Valentine is the absolute nadir of the post-Scream slasher film. Australian director Jamie Blanks (whose previous effort was the equally dismal Urban Legend, 1998) obviously had lofty goals for his film, given his bald-faced homages to John Carpenter and Dario Argento. But he hasn't a clue as to how to generate suspense, and his frequent reliance on well-worn shock effects (hands dropping on shoulders, etc.) suggests more contempt for the genre than affection. No less than four writers (including two writer-producers for Roswell, which explains the appearance of series star Katherine Heigl) contributed to the screenplay, which fails to generate the twentysomething drama and hip, cutting dialogue required for this brand of horror. As the five friends, actresses Marley Shelton, Denise Richards, Jessica Capshaw, Jessica Caufield, and Heigl have little to do other than alternately look attractive or afraid; Richards, in particular, looks weary of playing the man-eater. As Shelton's dipsomaniac boyfriend, David Boreanaz (Angel) lumbers through each scene with an embarrassed scowl.
Warner Bros.' DVD includes commentary by Blanks, as well as cast and crew interviews and a video for Orgy's contribution to the noisy, new-metal soundtrack. --Paul Gaita
Fresh slasher flick with some classic scenes thrown in Valentine
At the 6th grade Valentine's dance, geeky Jeremy Melton asks five different girls to dance. Shelley, Paige, and Lily are insulting and cruel. Kate is at least polite. Pudgy Dorothy says yes, but when the two of them are caught kissing under the bleachers, she accuses Jeremy of attacking her. The poor boy is beaten, stripped, and humiliated in front of the whole class, then shipped off to reform school, followed by a stay in a mental institution.
Fast forward several years later and the five nasty women are still best friends. Shelley (Katherine Heigl) gets her throat slit a few weeks before Valentine's Day in a very clever morgue scene. Then Lily (Jessica Cauffiel) is shot with arrows and dropped three flights into a box, where her body remains undiscovered. Paige (Denise Richards), Dorothy (Jessica Capshaw), and Kate (Marley Shelton) make it to the end of the film, where rich Dorothy's Valentine Party becomes a slasher fest. Paige is trapped in a hot tub and poked with a drill, then electrocuted. And the last half of the film is Kate running around an empty house discovering bodies.
There are fresh takes on some classic horror film scenes in here. In the beginning, the sixth grader Jeremy gets a bucket of red Koolaid dumped on him (a la Carrie). Shelley, as a med student, is cutting into a cadaver that suddenly comes to life (a la Flatliners). Paige gets to pour hot melted wax onto the private parts of a tied up sleaze ball (can't remember which movie that came from). And, of course, through the whole film, you're wondering if Kate's boyfriend Adam (David Boreanaz) is really Jeremy (a la Scream).
For a horror film, this one's pretty good. I guess I'd have to compare it most to the Scream series. I docked it a star for poor dialogue, bad acting on Marley Shelton's part, and a really cheesy Detective Vaughn who hits on Denise Richards in a scene reminiscent of Basic Instinct (only done really poorly).
Carries the torch of the classic slasher into the 21st century This review is really like a companion piece to Daniel Jolley's Amazon review of October 12, 2002. He has already expressed everything I could about this movie in the best possible way. So many have panned it which is why I found Daniel's review to be so refreshing, and it inspired me to chime in my own two cents and up the review average in favor of this highly entertaining and very fun horror movie.
Some have said that "Scream" reignited the slasher genre in the mid '90s but I have never been a big fan of that one as it is to me almost like a play or satire on the familiar slasher movie formulas rather than a bona fide slasher itself. "Valentine" director Jamie Blanks however, clearly a die hard slasher fan just like I and perhaps you are if you're reading this, seems to realize that those same familiar formulas that "Scream" pokes fun at are formulas that work, and have made for some great entertainment since the late '70s and early '80s when the slasher wave first broke. Blanks even admits in the director's commentary track of the DVD that "Valentine's" plot is not the most original but boy does this one ever deliver.
And just what is that plot. It concerns revenge for cruel taunting in junior high school, with each of the young women involved years later receiving warped Valentine's greetings from the unknown perpetrator, who proceeds to stalk and pick them off one by one.
And how beautiful each of those women have grown to be! To echo what Daniel said in his review, from the male perspective "Valentine" is a delight to behold. You get the brief early appearance by Katherine Heigl, who looks awesome and fetching as a med student in a tank top; Marley Shelton, a stunning blonde who plays nice girl Kate, and Denise Richards, who sizzles as the not so nice Paige. Oh yeah, and for the female contingent, I'm told that David Boreanaz (as Kate's mysterious alcoholic-leaning boyfriend) is not unpleasant on the eyes. True, as compared to the early '80s, in these slightly more enlightened and dare I say "politically correct" times, there is no out and out nudity in "Valentine" but as Daniel stated, the sultry bedroom bondage scene and Denise Richards in the hot tub scene to me more than make up for it.
But at the heart of it, "Valentine" succeeds in large part because of its sense of fun and that it presents hip humor (like the bit on the perils of speed dating) in place of the usual stomach-churning gore. In the spirit of my favorite slashers, it does not take itself at all seriously and is played mainly for fun.
That's not to say there is no gore or sleaze to behold here; it is a slasher movie after all. Blanks directs the film very stylishly and presents the perfect update on the classic slasher template for a new generation. The killer wears a very cool cherub mask and the stalk and slash scenes are great and very inventive and quite suspenseful. While the premise may not be too original (which again, Blanks readily admits), to echo the proverbial saying, if it ain't broke, why fix it?
I love slasher movies and for all the reasons stated here and in Daniel's earlier review "Valentine" is a new classic for a new generation that stands up with the best slashers of the past.
Look Out! Cupid's Got A Knife!... VALENTINE is a terrific homage / tribute / throwback movie. Watching it takes me back to the gory-glory days of 70s and 80s classics like HALLOWEEN, PROM NIGHT, MY BLOODY VALENTINE, HE KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE, etc. I love the cherub-masked killer! There's just something very unsettling about a giant baby w/ a butcher-knife! As for the gorgeous gaggle of gals, I must say that I was impressed! Denise Richards (Starship Troopers, Wild Things) and co. are all knockouts, even while being knocked off! So, if you pine away for those good old days of SSS (Silent Sinister Stalkers), beautiful victims, and mobs of red-herrings, then VALENTINE should do you true...
Beware of Cupid's Deadly Arrows "Valentine" is great holiday slasher fare. Though it is not a horror classic like "My Bloody Valentine," it is still enjoyable to watch. The body count is high and the death scenes are immaginative. The actors/actresses are gorgeous, the settings are beautiful, the musical score rocks, and the action is well paced. However, I strongly suspected who the killer was early into the movie because of a lack of surviving male characters. Therefore, it succeeds as a Jason-type slasher (the killer wears a Kewpie doll mask in lieu of a hockey mask) but fails as a mystery thriller/giallo. "Valentine" tried hard to have a "twist" ending but never succeeded because the viewer knows the killer has to be male due to their nose bleeding everytime they kill. Favorite scene: When one character is shot with three archery bows, falls down a steep stairwell and lands inside a trash bin.
Buy her flowers instead Wow,this movie is quite possibly one of the most uninteresting slasher movies in years. At no time does this create even a small amount of suspense. The actors appear to be uninterested in the movie and look almost ashamed to be in the film. After the tired cliched opening of a young picked on boy being beat and humiliated at a school dance we flash forward 13 years and find that he is now looking to get even with the girls who rejected him. The fact that the girls are made to look like horrible mean spirted witches almost has you cheering for their demise. The final revelation of who the killer is is a big let down and raises questions as to how he was able to commit some of the murders. Give yourself a break and save your money for something that is really scary. Spend your money on flowers and skip this valentine!
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