World Famous Comics: When Misery is Company: End Self-Sabotage and Become Content
When Misery is Company: End Self-Sabotage and Become Content
By: Anne Katherine Publisher: Hazelden Average Rating: Binding: Paperback Label: Hazelden Number of Items: 1 Number of Pages: 304 Publication Date: January 28, 2004
Product Description: Surprising as it may sound, many people take comfort in their own misery. Feeling too good for too long (or even feeling good at all) can be scary for people, explains Anne Katherine.
"Achievement creates anxiety. Intimacy leads to fear. Happiness produces uneasiness. Pleasure causes pain. The solution to this dilemma: what feels good has to be stopped. I call this an addiction to misery." Katherine's fascination and perspective book provides immediate assistance to those people who think they might be making choices that keep them at a "carefully calibrated level of existence--beneath bliss and above despair."
*Available for delivery late February 2004. Reserve yours today!
She really gets it AK really nails the problem definition, although I would quibble that she missed a trigger. For me, a major relapse will be traced back to a feeling of accomplishment. And the level of accomplishment that will trigger keeps diminishing. But the result is the same as shaming, etc.
AK paints such a vivid portrait of my own life, I need to send a copy of this book to everyone I've ever been late for. I finally GET THAT.
She gives an example of infant attachments - baby cries, mother responds caringly, or mother just shoves bottle in baby's mouth and leaves. I wish she had addressed the third very likely option in our day - the schedule babies. I've waded thru a lot of attachment material in the past year, trying to figure out what 'happened' to me - she points me to Fonagy next.
I've done ARTS Anonymous, CODA, OA, and a Linehan-rules Dialectial Behavior Therapy group for borderlines - I can't deal with being around all those mean blind crazy people whose lives are in danger! AND who HAVE a significant other, and/or kids, so what are they complaining about? I'm afraid even to brush my teeth sometimes, which they probably dismiss as trivial. But if my gums start un-receding - MISERY RELAPSE. Because they didn't HAVE toothbrushes in the old country when my mother was growing up. So how can I even have my teeth without seeing that scowling face? Call my sponsor? FEEL that hateful anger and jealousy. Hey! I just did a little work-thru!
So - this book came along at just the right time for me, although I wish that time had been 30-40 years ago. I'm hoping to sign up for Ms. Katherine's weight loss phone support groups this fall (2008) and do the winter seattle weekend retreat. I think - if you don't have to explain the PROBLEM to the person, you can spend all your time together coming up with solutions.
Ms. Katherine, thank you so much for this book and what you put of yourself into it. It must have been very painful to relive and recount, but so completely generous, unique, and creative of you to do so.
An insightful, gentle wisdom focused on the self-defeating practice of trying to guard against disappointment When Misery Is Company: End Self-Sabotage And Become Content by psychotherapist, licensed mental health counselor, and popular author Ann Katherine offers the reader exercises, anecdotal personal stories, and an insightful, gentle wisdom focused on the self-defeating practice of trying to guard against disappointment, fear or shame by not allowing ourselves to fully experience intimacy, success, or pleasure. Sound psychology combined with a natural talent for writing fully engage the reader's total and thoughtful attention from first page to last as individual chapters are grouped into two major parts: "Understanding the Problem" and "Finding and Living the Solution". Enhanced with five appendices and an index, When Misery Is Company is especially recommended for those seeking assistance in developing their own personal growth on the basis of sound psychology and practical experience.
Groundbreaking Work on an Often Overlooked Problem Whether they like it or not, admit it or not, a large number of people are "addicted to misery." Misery addiction is an insidious form of self-sabotage that manifests in a large number of very different, but very "general" ways. For instance, we may habitually make choices that set us up to fail, or we may abandon projects right before they succeed. Maybe we choose abusive partners and friends; maybe we're chronically underemployed. Perhaps we avoid happiness because of a persistant fear that we will *lose* that happiness. Each issue-- in one way or another-- adds up to living a life in which we never really feel content or fulfilled, and like the "good things" of life somehow keep passing us by.
Whatever the issue might be, conventional psychology either does not recognize Misery Addiction at ALL, or it chalks such problems up to more "popularly acceptable" causes, such as poor self-esteem, lack of assertiveness, ADHD or some other more widely recognized "syndrome." In this groundbreaking new book, author and psychotherapist Anne Katherine explains that there's really much more at work here.
The book is divided into two main sections. Part One ("Understanding the Problem") is dedicated to explaining and identifying the various aspects of Misery Addiction. In short, easy-to-read chapters, the author takes us through descriptions of what exactly Misery Addiction IS, then on to explaining the strange paradoxes that lie at the heart of Misery Addiction; where we may have learned during our upbringings, and how we now engage in certain behaviors that keep up from reaching happiness in life. Throughout, Katherine illustrates her descriptions with examples from her own psychotherapy practice and Misery Addiction retreats, and also includes a number of small self-tests and quizzes to help readers understand precisely where their "traps" lie.
Part Two ("Finding and Living the Solution") deals with recovery from Misery Addiction. Katherine is a strong proponent of following the basic "12-step program" format, as the optimal road to recovery. Even if you do not have a local MAA (Misery Addicts Anonymous) meeting, she recommends recommends getting involved with a 12-step group. This section also includes several chapters with "tools" to help the recovering Misery Addict deal with life. Finally, there is a helpful appendix with resources; how to set up and run a MAA group, notes to therapists, national 12-step organizations, and more.
Final thoughts: Highly recommended (9 out of 10 possible bookmarks). This is a much needed book on a topic that generally is not covered by conventional psychology or therapy. My only reservation is the extremely heavy reliance on a 12-step program as "the solution" to a complex matter, while very little information is offered about other therapeutic options. But that's a minor niggle-- this is a highly worthwhile book!
Clear, Fresh, & Insightful I first encountered Anne Katherine's writing when I took a continuing education course about setting boundaries. I am continually impressed with her clear and unique insights. She is able to see and UNDERSTAND humans and human interaction in an exceptionally clear way. In this book, she communicates what so many of us have been unable to express and overcome within ourselves. The dynamics of self-sabotage and self-created misery are finally understood and explained in a whole and empowering way. She teaches and shows the way past a painful, self-defeating life.
perceptive concept It never occurred to me before that someone can be addicted to feeling miserable and sabotage their own efforts and/or another person's efforts to help them succeed and enjoy life, but it is true! I found this book insightful and clear and eye opening. The concept of misery addiction was new to me, but as I read the book, it made perfect sense. I actually worked with a person who was addicted to misery and her behavior made no sense to me at the time. She was self defeating and I did not understand why. Now I understand her issues and thinking patterns much more clearly. Now her actions and reactions make perfect sense to me. "When Misery is Company" is a great tool for someone who is actually addicted to misery, but it can also clarify and enlighten people who know or work with those who have this addiction. I recommend it highly.
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