Product Description: Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control covers in detail the effects of trauma on the body-mind and how trauma alters children’s behavioral responses. The first four chapters help parents and professionals clearly understand the neurological research behind the basic model given in this book, deemed, 'The Stress Model.' While scientifically based in research, it is written in an easy to understand and easy to grasp format for anyone working with or parenting children with severe behaviors. The next seven chapters are individually devoted to seven behaviors typically seen with attachment-challenged children. These include lying, stealing, hoarding and gorging, aggression, defiance, lack of eye contact, and yes, even a chapter that talks candidly about how parents appear hostile and angry when they work to simply maintain their families from reaching complete states of chaos. Each of these chapters talks in depth on these specific behaviors and gives vivid and contrasting examples of how this love-based approach works to foster healing and works to develop relationships, as opposed to the fear-based traditional attachment parenting approaches that are being advocated in today’s attachment field. The authors end with a Parenting Bonus Section. True testimonials from parents who have been able to make significant changes in their homes with this model of parenting, giving real-life examples of how they have been able to find the healing, peace, and love that they had been seeking prior to working through the techniques outlined in this book.
Must try it to believe it REALLY WORKS I've been reading and implementing the contents of this book ( and the second volume recently released, see author's website!!Its ALMOST better than vol.1 -get both!!) for over a year. Its certianly not easy to implement at all times, because it shows us what has not been shown in many other books.. that WE as parents must be in a regulated state, before we can raise children who can heal from their trauma.So it takes time to find that ability, since most of us never recived unconditional love from our own pasts. I have attended 2 different events with Heather, and can say she lives what she writes. That is a big deal to a skeptic like me. I see huge differences in my children when I am able to stay in my regulated state, and am able to love my children unconditionally.. which takes on a new meaning after reading this book. ( and Vol. 2) The science is there to back it up too. Buy it! read it! As an aside for any Christian's considering reading this, please don't let the idea of no consequences or control scare you off. Look at Jesus' teachings.. He is all about love, we've just been wrapped up in the 'spanking is Biblical' mode for so long we've forgotten what our children need most IS LOVE.. Love never fails.
Help for adopted children that defies all other methods. We have three internationally adopted children at home. They are all under 7 yrs now. We have tried attachment therapies and all other forms of help we could mannage. Nothing seemed to fit exactly. This book, although very difficult for the parents really hits the mark! Afterall, what is good parenting if it does not allow the parent to heal at the same time as the children! We give this book and method 2 thumbs up!
Can I give 6 stars? This is the only method that has worked for our family. We have already seen a dramatic improvement in our son's behavior. It has also helped me recognize my own fear-related issues and has given me the tools to regulate my emotions to focus on the needs of our son.
Every traditional parenting method (time-outs, reward charts, etc) have only made things worse is the past. Up until now we've felt that "no one understands! Nothing works for our son!" I highly recommend this book.
Effective adn Powerful I have been a therapist for over 20 years. Heather and Bryan's insights and strategies are the most effecitve I've found in helping clients of any age with any diagnosis. I feel very confident when I tell parents that I have solutions that will work for their children.
Ken Thom, MS, LPC
This book put into words and examples things I had been discovering with my own daughter I loved this book! It really is amazing to bring everything back to Love versus Fear and being present with your child. It sounds so easy, but most people I observe don't do it regularly and well- even "great parents"! It has been huge learning to just be there for my daughter, to listen and really hear what she is saying instead of knee jerk-reacting! It has already affected my life inside and outside of my home and I know it will continue to be life changing if I continue to be aware and grow in these areas!
I heard Dr. Post speak and then I purchased the book. I knew right away that what they were saying made sense and not many others were saying it. I had done a lot of research and had listened to a lot of friends give advice, but parenting my daughter in those ways was not working and was not getting the same results as they were getting or that I even recall having when my mom and dad raised me!
I keep this book available to re-read and re-read. It is amazing how something so simple can get so difficult as we live out day to day life. I need these reminders! Also, Great examples!
Because I so loved this book I did some research and I also just completed a training with one of the authors Heather Forbes (and Eric Guy) of this model -My husband came with me and we both loved it and have been applying it not only to our relationship and interactions with our daughter but with each other.
Some of these principles in the book have given us instant positive results- I have never heard my daughter speak out the things that are overwhelming her so clearly or so soon, especially when the beginning of the sharing was her yelling at me that I was "so mean" for say, making her turn off a TV show. With other parenting styles I would have sent her instantly to her room or time out with a "don't you use that tone with me young lady" Now the TV still stays off, but we end up talking, yelling slows down and instead of tears and more screaming, I actually end up hearing her heart about topics totally unrelated to the anger expressed about turning off the TV. It is amazing! Other things we are still working on, mostly on applying things that are in areas I now see I have my own issues not yet healed.
I highly recommend this book to anyone, and especially to those whose children have been adopted, have been through some sort of trauma, have attachment issue or very low ability to manage stress and who don't respond to more traditional parenting methods like you would have expected. Actually- to those families the book will be life saving- to any families you will love what it brings into your tool-box!
READ IT! And if you are reading this book and would like another tool in your tool-box, sign up on Heather Forbes' website Beyond Consequences website for free Daily Parenting Tips! I signed up for heather's Parenting emails and was amazed how each day they came so right on target and made me look at myself, not just my child's behaviors. It reinforces what the book teaches in a daily, timely way! **Sorry this post is so long- hopefully you skimmed to get out of it what applied to your life or what you are seeking to know about the book. :- )
Anything Goes Trivia
Megaton Man
Tailipoe
Trevor
