The greatest sexual pleasure in a person's lifetime is possible in one's middle and later years, asserts Dr. David Schnarch, when a mature sense of self has been achieved and genuine intimacy is possible with another person. At his Family Health Center in Colorado Dr. Schnarch works with couples in long-term committed relationships who want to get emotionally and sexually closer. In Passionate Marriage Dr. Schnarch shares what he has learned about how couples can--and must--simultaneously break through the sexual and the emotional blocks that hold them back from total satisfaction. He counsels that every sexual exchange, from kissing to daring erotic behaviors, is a picture of an entire relationship--a reflection of how you and your partner feel about yourselves and each other outside the bedroom. This respectful, erotic, uplifting, and spiritual guide to sexual and emotional fulfillment makes a passionate marriage within the reach of every couple.
Amazon.com Review: People joke that the start of a couple's marriage means the end of their sex life. David Schnarch, a sex therapist praised by Pepper Schwartz, uses epiphany-laden conversations taken directly from his own marriage and the married couples he sees in practice to help readers defy the myth that marriages are necessarily passionless, and instead prove that the longer a couple has been together, the higher the fireworks can fly. It's especially aimed at older couples who, Schnarch says, are self-actualized and therefore better able to handle intimacy than younger partners. "People have difficulty with intimacy because they're supposed to," he says, and goes on in this inspiring book to combine elements of marriage therapy and sex therapy to bring plenty of practical, fresh ideas to the crowd of mostly vapid relationship books. (Note that despite its title, it's for any emotionally committed couple, not just married folks.)
Schnarch says that a man is more likely to let a relationship suffer in order to hold on to his sense of self, while a woman is more apt to let her identity suffer to help strengthen it. Schnarch gives explicit tips on how to alter this pattern, an essential step he calls "differentiation." He also explains why compromise isn't always the best route to take when conflicts arise. The couples profiled here deal with the usual suspects: uneven sexual desire and initiation, battles about oral sex, self-image problems, the "boondoggle" of trust (both of one's self and one's partner), and the specter of divorce. Instead of focusing on each client's weaknesses, Schnarch teaches how to find inner strength and resilience that can be used to reaffirm a relationship and reignite sex. William H. Masters of Masters and Johnson fame calls this book "a classic," and no wonder. --Erica Jorgensen
Gutwrenching, lifechanging, gutwrenching I went over the hell of pain reading this book. I made skyscraper of realizations, and so far made only couple of floors of improvements. I am still in 'five steps forward, four steps back' motion while working on myself. But this lifechanging book... I would recommend it to anyone - married or single, it does not matter. It also does not matter where your lack of integrity pops up - be it work, social life, friendship or marriage. It will pop up everywhere and is rooted in the same causes pointed out in book.
Instead of being purely behavioral guide, like most books are, this book, with reader's will, can help mobilize what is best in them, not just follow checkbox guide. English is my 3rd language, and book is much more difficult to read than say, 'Seven Principles' by Gotham, which was a breeze compared to 'Passionate Marriage'.
I am so grateful and proud for being able to feel and taste pure, distilled love for my wife and for other people in my life. This is unbelievable state I wish more people to know of. Our sex and lives are changing at fast pace every day in every aspect, and only I read the book (but I share my findings about myself with her if I want to (yeah, acting differentiated :) ) ). Your spouse doesn't have to read it. As Dr. Schnarch says 'it takes two to screw marriage, and one to fix it'.
Keeping love It's about resolving the issues in a relationship in a way that results in great sex, rather than the other way around.I love about this book is that it isn't just about having great sex/chemistry/passion in general but about having those things with your partner. The perfect match with this book is I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't
Great I have learned that it's fine to think about myself first, even during sex. This book freed us from the specter of uneven sexual desire, and battles about oral sex. I also recommend an amazing book in this topic I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't
Are you differentiated? If you're not, you need to read this book! The passionate Marriage is an excellent book written in a personable manner with excellent anecdotes that demonstrate the concepts the writer is explaining. Reading this book helped me recognize where I wasn't differentiated and where I needed to do some serious internal work to help myself. It's also helped my marriage a lot, in terms of how my wife and I communicate.
If you're having trouble in your marriage or just want to communicate better and have more intimacy, read this book. It will help both you and your partner(s) connect with each other.
Passionate Marriage While the author's knowledge and ideas are on the plus side, his free use of crude and rude...and just plain filthy...language leaves me wondering why a man with a PhD and the years of experience he has must resort to "gutter talk" to make points about relationships. Due to this, I found myself unable to share it with my wife and just threw the book in the trash....which is, I'm afraid, where it belongs.
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