Product Description: Finally in paperback, the New York Times bestseller that has fundamentally changed the way children of divorce see themselves as adults -- updated with a new preface by the author.
Divorce is at once a widespread reality and a painful decision, so it is no surprise that this landmark study of its long-term effects should both spark debate and find a large audience.
In this compelling, thought-provoking book, Judith Wallerstein explains that, while children do learn to cope with divorce, it in fact takes its greatest toll in adulthood, when the sons and daughters of divorced parents embark on romantic relationships of their own. Wallerstein sensitively illustrates how children of divorce often feel that their relationships are doomed, seek to avoid conflict, and fear commitment. Failure in their loving relationships often seems to them preordained, even when things are going smoothly. As Wallerstein checks in on the adults she first encountered as youngsters more than twenty-five years ago, she finds that their experiences mesh with those of the millions of other children of divorce, who will find themselves on every page.
With more than 100,000 copies in print, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce spent three weeks on the New York Times, San Francisco Chronicle, and Denver Post bestseller lists. The book was also featured on two episodes of Oprah as well as on the front cover of Time and the New York Times Book Review.
Amazon.com Review: During the last 40 years, our society's views on how families are created and how they operate has undergone a tremendous shift. In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, authors Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee have assembled a variety of stories from people of different ages and life stages. Some are children of divorce, some are from families that stayed unhappily intact, but all of them offer valuable information important to all of us as parents, children, and members of society at large. Separate chapters focus on the different roles children take on in the event of a divorce or unhappy marriage, ranging from positive role model to deeply troubled adolescent. In many cases, the people interviewed continue to define themselves as children of divorce up to 30 years after the occurrence; this is described by one subject as "sort of a permanent identity, like being adopted or something."
Both encouraging and thought-provoking, the final chapter questions how we maintain the freedom made possible by divorce while, at the same time, minimizing the damage. The authors' response to this question begins with pragmatic suggestions about strengthening marriage--not bland "family values" rhetoric but practical how-to ideas combined with national policy initiatives that have been making the rounds for years. With fascinating stories and statistics, Wasserstein, Lewis, and Blakeslee have illuminated the improvements within reach while our society experiences these massive changes in it's most fundamental relationships. --Jill Lightner
Useful but incomplete Are these results really unexpected? Do parents really think that children are not affected by divorce? Or do they justify that they are better off then they would have been if their parents stayed in an unhappy/unhealthy marriage? Or does any of it matter? Will this book keep parents together? Maybe, but probably not.
Every adult is shaped by their childhood, but I wholeheartedly disagree with this author's stance that children are forever victims of their childhood and their parent's divorce. There comes a point in everyone's life, usually before the age of 18, that their life begins to be shaped by their own choices and not what their parents did to them. The studies are very limited and therefore the results and conclusions are flawed and incomplete.
The interviews of the children she references are well documented but she left out so many groups of children of divorce and studied only cases where the children were devastated by their parents divorce. Even that can be argued though, because they were devastated more by the way their parents had failed to protect them after the divorce. Parents parented differently after the divorce and it is unusually more inattentive parenting then before. (because the parent is rebuilding their own life, they often have to work more or go back to school, or are devastated emotionally and don't have anything left to give to the children) I must note here that most of these children took similar paths as children raised in single parent homes where no divorce had ever occurred or they had not been involved with both parents. This leads me to believe that it is not necessarily a result of the divorce but of the parenting, or lack there of. Children with involved, attentive parents (even single parents) are going to do better in life than those without.
The author fails to interview children who have 2, equally involved, cooperative, supportive parents who remain in close geographical distance to each other and raise the children `together' until they are grown. She also fails to interview children who were relieved and freed by their parents divorce. Not that either of these situations is the ideal but they sure weren't given any consideration in the `Unexpected Legacy...25 year landmark study.' The author was quick to conclude that every bump in the road of life was due the divorce of their parents. There is nothing to say that the lives of these children would be dramatically different had their parents stayed together. If you are looking to blame something or someone else for your problems then this book will give you that reason if you hadn't already thought of it yourself.
Children of all backgrounds face a verity of different challenges. This could be poverty, the death of a parent, the deployment of a parent, mental or physical illness of a parent, obesity, alcoholism or drug addictions, unemployment, depression, imprisonment, incompetence, and the list goes on. If you chose to be impaired by your childhood circumstances and not rise above the difficulty then that is where you will stay.
All in all, the book was easy to read and contained useful information. It kept my interest even though it lacked many other perspectives. It was written with good intent and delivered a strong message that divorce damages children. It makes divorce appear an unattractive alternative (as it should be in most cases) but did not condemn it in all cases either. At no point did this book make reference to religion or how faith or beliefs alter thoughts and actions. I liked the longevity of the study but it was in long intervals that these children were interviewed. (5 or more years apart until the 25th year)
I do not think this book warrants the title. The results are hardly unexpected and the study was far from what I would expect of a `landmark' study. I give it a 5, however, because I think the information in it should be considered by parents who are considering divorce, though this should not be your only reference. There was so much missing form this study, yet there is enough here that it is worth the read.
The book might be more effective if it were required reading before a wedding. More thought might go into the preplanning and spouse selection if you had a greater understanding of the possible outcomes of your choices. But who would stop to read a book like this in the midst of buying a dress, ordering flowers and sending out wedding invitations?
This book focuses on the negative results of growing up with divorced parents and although I don't think a book on divorce should have a positive overtone to it, I don't think that this study was broad enough to be objective. Almost all parents should try harder than they do to salvage the marriage, not just for the sake of the children but for the fact that you made a promise. Kids and adults alike realize that someone didn't do what they said they would and it's hard to put trust in a person who doesn't keep their word. Even though most children will always love and remain loyal to both parents they will make judgments in their life about who was wrong or right in their parents marriage/divorce and usually, in the long run, the relationship with the parent they see as morally wrong will suffer. Ultimately, the parent-child relationship will change after the divorce, no matter what the circumstances, and it's almost never a change for the better.
very good this book provides an excellent examination of some of the ways in which divorce affects children whose parents have divorced. it provides outstanding longitudinal data over, is it 25 years, for many people. the text goes into great detail on the authors' observations and descriptions of individuals' developmental struggles. it is acknowledged by the authors that development can be challenging for all children, whether parents are happily married, whether they are bitterly married, or they divorce. most of the text discusses perhaps half dozen of the dozens of children included in the study. while a fascinating qualitative text, i yearn for more hard data comparing all children, those whose parents remained married, and those whose parent divorced. i also wish that the text would have elaborated upon, or even mentioned, the other dozens of children not discussed. the authors cite that economic struggles plague many families of divorce. the effects of economics on problems developed by the children, while difficult to isolate, should have, at least, been mentioned. overall, the conclusions reached are logical, consistent with the findings throughout the text, and (perhaps most importantly :)) they are consistent with my beliefs. overall, this is an excellent qualitative book that describes the authors' impressions of the effects of divorce on select children.
Unexpected Legacy of Divorce . . . What a great book! I love that the study was done over 25 years and that children of divorce were measured against functional and dysfunctional intact families. I totally recommend this read. It is an immense help to read of others who understand what a child of divorce experiences, especially when people who haven't experienced it can't seem to put themselves in the shoes of those who have.
As for the business side, the book came in decent timee, but I do not remember ordering a used, but rather a new, book. I read one or two other reviews that mentioned this particular book seller (not Amazon, but rather BORDEBOOK) did not coordinate their available product to the order particulars in regards to CONDITION of the book.
If you are going to buy from BORDEBOOK, I recommend that you buy those items whose condition you will not care too much about. If you are particular about product condition, you will either have to order from someplace else, or just learn to overlook the condition of what you receive. The book was valuable enough to me to lump the condition. I will probably buy a second copy, just not from BORDEBOOK.
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce This is the best research and factual information regarding the effects of Divorce on children who are natural psychological victims of their parents'Divorce. Unfortunately, well meaning parents are fairly helpless to alleviate the problems Divorce creates for their children. Many books talk about Divorce in a different light in terms of the effects, this book clearly states the consequences to children, many of which I have seen in my 30years plus as a psychotherapist in Denver, Colorado. Divorce creates many negative effects for children that remain with them for all of their lives.
Hello? Divorce Ain't Good for Kids! This is an invaluable study, simultaneously profound and deeply disturbing. Researchers/authors Wallerstein, Lewis, and Blakeslee describe a quarter century societal shift of monumental proportions. By the year 2000, 25% of adults under the age of 44 were children of divorce. By and large, however, society had chosen to ignore the elephant in the room of the long term impact of divorce on children. Instead, we comforted ourselves with "myths": * "The first holds that if parents are happier the children will be happier, too....many adults who are trapped in very unhappy marriages would be surprised to learn that their children are relatively content. They don't care if Mom and Dad sleep in different beds as long as the family is together....Children in postdivorce families do not, on the whole, look happier, healthier, or more well adjusted even if one or both parents are happier....children from divorced and remarried families are more aggressive toward their parents and teachers. They experience more depression....more learning difficulties...more problems with peers....two to three times more likely to be referred for psychological help at school....More of them end up in mental health clinics and hospital settings. There is earlier sexual activity, more children born out of wedlock, less marriage, and more divorce. Numerous studies show that adult children of divorce have more psychological problems than those raised in intact marriages....the myth that children always benefit from divorce that makes parents happier...continues to exert subtle, unconscious influences" (p. xxiii) * "A second myth is based on the premise that divorce is a temporary crisis that exerts its most harmful effects on parents and children at the time of the breakup. Adult children of divorce are telling us loud and clear that their parent' anger at the time of the breakup is not what matters most. Unless there was violence or abuse or unremitting high conflict, they have dim memories of what transpired during this supposedly critical period" (p. xxv).
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