Product Description: Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that upon finding her way out, a victim's difficulties are solved: her life is good, she is safe, and her recovery will be swift. Survivors know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare, it is the beginning of a difficult journey toward healing and happiness. It's My Life Now offers readers the practical guidance, emotional reassurance, and psychological awareness that female survivors of relationship abuse and domestic violence need to heal and reclaim their lives after leaving their abusers. Since its publication in 2000, It's My Life Now has been highly successful as a working manual for women who are starting their lives over after an abusive relationship, combining guidance on practical and emotional issues with worksheets and self-exploration exercises. In the second edition, Dugan and Hock include updated information and resources while encompassing a wider range of individuals.
An Invaluable Help in the Healing Process It's My Life Now fills an important gap in the literature on domestic violence. There are several great books out there that help bring the abused to the point of recognizing that they are in an abusive relationship that they must escape. These books help clarify the patterns and cycles that are common to so many abusive relationships. When searching for help and healing myself, I largely encountered books that told me how to get out, get safe, and (had I any children) get custody. But at that point, I had already fought my way out of my abuser's grasp and was searching for something to help me untangle the webs of control, humiliation, and verbal abuse I had endured. I was also struggling with difficult feelings of guilt, loss, and anger that I needed some guidance to process. That is where this book came in: the practical guide to regaining yourself after enduring abuse and/or violence.
What is so valuable and remarkable about this book, compared to many others, is that it walks the abused through the complicated (and admittedly frightening) time AFTER she gets out of the relationship.
It begins with the typical identification of abuse and abusive behaviors, but as this book is written for those who have already left their abuser, this list serves a different purpose. In an incredibly reassuring and helpful chapter that addresses the feelings of love for the abuser that may still remain, we are asked to make a list of the qualities that were attractive in him in the first place. Then, we return to the initial chapter's list of abusive behaviors and make a list of what type of abuses were committed and with what frequency. The positive list serves to reassure the abused that she had compelling reasons for being attracted to the abuser, while the abuses list reminds her that the abuser (however charming) is not who he seemed. There are many more simple, journal-style exercises that I found important for gaining insight and perspective.
The book addresses key issues I encountered in the uncomfortable period that ensued within one week or two of leaving my abuser. The author also recommends that readers return to these topics and exercises one month later, for comparison. (Perspective is everything.) I have emphatically recommended this book to the women I have met in domestic violence support groups, who have returned nothing but praise for the usefulness, pertinence and clarity of It's My Life Now. I have found it invaluable in my own process and will continue to refer to it when I require strength or guidance.
one of my saviors. After coming out of an abusive marriage, I was desperate. This book was one of my saviors. It helped to make sense of so much, without feeling ashamed or guilty. I recomend it to anyone who thinks they might have been abused, physically, emotionally, financially.... It's kind of like a best friend. In other words a great read.
A MUST READ ! This book is amazing & I highly reccomend this book !!!!! Very insightful & extremely helpful !!! Also combines a workbook aspect for assesments !! Please if you have just left a Violent relationship, I highly recommend this book, it could literally save your life !
Very good book This book is very informative on this subject matter. It provided the information I needed.
Great Book! I left an abusive relationship and kept wondering why me? This book really helped me see what happened and why I stayed as long as I did. I really could relate to the book well and it helped a lot with the healing process.
Anything Goes Trivia
Trevor
Megaton Man
