The author of the bestselling Facing Codependence unravels the intricate dynamics of toxic love relationships and shows us how to let go of toxic love. In this revised and updated edition of Facing Love Addiction, internationally recognised dependence and addiction authority Pia Mellody clearly outlines the debilitating 'toxic' patterns played out by love addicts and the unresponsive love avoidants to whom they are painfully and repeatedly drawn.
Terrifically Useful Framing of the Problem For the school-trained psychologist or Psy.D., FLA may be flawed by post-millennial standards, but not very. Though a first-rate clinician, Mellody seems not to care about "conflicting attachment schemes," "dissociative identity" or "borderlne personality organization." Much of what professionals have been taught about the etiology of identity enmeshment really doesn't matter to the lay reader.
Mellody sees the common, seducer-rejector flip-flopping in the love addicts and love avoidants who are usually one and the same person, but does not emphasize it to the extent many others do (see Benjamin, Bockian, Kluft, Linehan, Gunderson, Mason, Masterson, Millon, Preston, Putnam, and Stone).
While more attention to the "splitting" that's so common in these people might have been helpful, Mellody may well have elected to avoid the issue for a good reason. It might have been too much of a "sharp stick in the eye" and "get in the way."
Mellody's views were formed in the trenches at The Meadows in Wickenburg, AZ, where thousands have sat (as well as twisted, squirmed and bawled) through five days of self-revelation called "survivors' week." Mellody specializes in opening Pandora's various boxes, and one of them is child abuse. She knows that if sex was part of it, love addiction and love avoidance -- and dissociative identity -- will often follow.
As was the case with her hugely successful Facing Codependence (1989), Mellody's approach is more theoretical, purposeful and direct than Beattie's (Codependent No More, Beyond Codependency) vis the bigger subject, and Schaef's in her Escape from Intimacy (1987), as well as Peele's and Norwood's earlier work on the narrower concept of obsessive romance.
It's also -far- more organized, understandable and utilitarian. The result is psychoeducation and bibliotherapy at its finest for the early 1990s.
The troubled reader -will- come away with a firm grasp of the specific topic of delusional romance addiction (this is -not- a book about -sex- addiction; for that see Carnes). And most will see themselves in the mirror. Insofar as the "contemplation," "identification" and "acceptance" phases of treatment for interpersonal issues are concerned, Mellody has no equals that I know of.
Nor will the 57-page workbook section fail to produce results in those areas, as well as, to some degree, in the "commitment" and "relapse prevention" phases. Mellody's methods may be highly experiential and "onion-peeling" during Survivors' Week, but here she is a cognitivist offering a dozen different exercises aimed at labeling, framing, belief examination and appraisal schemes.
What I hope for in a future edition is 1) the same fine examination of the syndromes, and 2) a simpler, more accessable, user-friendly and faster acting set of cognitive-behavioral exercises based on methods developed by Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck, Arthur Freeman, Martin Seligman, Jeffrey Young, Richard Wessler and the like.
Why re-invent the wheel? The "thought-questioning" exercises of this type are easy to learn and adapt, highly self-empowering, rewarding, motivating, and, above all, -effective-. The TQ methods of cognitive-behavioral and/or rational-emotive therapy produce emotional comfort, as well as attitudinal and behavioral change, -very- rapidly.
Those taught to use TQ will benefit hugely from -this- very effectively presented description of The Problem, however. As is the case with Facing Codependence, this is -great- stuff.
hated this book i hated this book. blames everything on a screwed up childhood & tells you to get counseling. the author doesnt offer any other explanation as to why you love people who dont love you back. dont pay full price for this book if you want to read it.
facing love addiction Excellent and helpful information about dysfunctional codependent intimate relationships. Great for people in recovery from substance abuse as well as others suffering from relationship problems. Sexist cultural influences not discussed but the useful information outweighs the deficits. Recommended for all readers interested in having healthier, happier and more mature relationships. Helpful for counselors working with adults or teens with relationship challenges.
Simple and astounding My beloved yoga teacher recommended I read this.
I highly recommend this book.
Personally, it has been a profound experience. I can now see this is a pattern of behavior that others have gone through as well.
I have felt alone. and reading this book has given me assurance and the ground work for change, for growth and healing. It is simple enough to read in a couple of days, but i have reread it several times now. and am working the suggested exercises.
thank you for reading.
Best gift you could giveto your sisters. If you have as many sisters as I got, then you surely need this book. Women tend to be more additive to love. When they are trying to recover, then they should read this book.
In the book, author travel the great length to give you examples of how? Why causes it. Good reads. It makes women to analyze their dating strategies. Some might work, some might not, get the book called, "Rules" for dating, get this book for healing, and in between, pray to the lady luck.
Anything Goes Trivia
Megaton Man
Trevor
